There is always going to be one thing that everyone is searching, wanting, needing in life, and that is love. Whether we want to admit it or not, feeling that exact feeling is the most incredible feeling.
I have not yet fell in love with someone, though I have liked someone with an improbable amount of liking. But I do this thing where I push them away. Or I say things that are unbelievable, and so random, that it makes me someone I know they don't want.
I have recently been working on that! Not pushing away, and working through all my insecurities. I have to let myself be vulnerable, and open, or I will never get the chance to feel, or experience love.
I know that every girl has that secret fairy-tale love that plays through their head. I know I do.
I dream of actually being me without judgement. I dream that I will be infatuated with everything my partner has to offer as a person. I dream that I will be able to be honest, and open with my life. I dream that I will never not want this person. I dream that we will fight for everything, no matter the situation. That no matter what our backgrounds are, no matter the baggage we will fight, because we know that there is potential and that there is love between us. I dream that I will have someone to encourage me on all job dreams and crazy projects, like being an advocate to teens that have been abused. I dream of having someone who can handle my moods because I am one of those teens that were abused.
I dream of a love that almost every girl wants, but this is the real world, not a movie. We have to learn that some people don't have the same courage to fight like you. That some people are more stubborn, or they don't have the same drive, and dedication. Life of love will always be complicated, even when you think you found the one.
I have seen basically everyone in my family fall in love, and fall right back out, or get their hearts broken! It wasn't easy for them. It was painful watching, and if you have ever seen that, you know you never want to feel that. I know that, that is also one of the main reason why I am so close guarded, and don't want to fall in love because I don't want to feel pain. It's not a feeling people want, but sometimes to grow as people, and keep our humanity, and moral ways intact we have to experience those feelings.
Love is something I am always seeking, but so desperately hiding from!
I think the saying, "There is fine line between love and hate," is a true statement. I see couples who are genuinely happy, but they fight like they hate that person with every fiber in their bodies. But that is the "baggage" when you love someone so much.
Love will be a wonderful, exciting, dangerous, nerve racking experience for anyone no matter how many time they have fallen in love. Let what is suppose to be, be!
If you are girl, or even a guy, that has been through a similar situation of abuse, dropping your guard won't be easy. I know exactly what that feels like! So here is my advice for you, become their friend before their partner. Get to know them, take your time, slowly open up, so that they can completely understand you.
I am doing that, taking it slow with whoever the person I may have potential feelings for, and work from there. If we just breath, know that we are strong independent human beings, then you can accomplish anything, even LOVE!
With that, I hope today was better than yesterday, and tomorrow is better than today!
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