I am thinking a lot tonight.
But when am I not thinking a lot?
I am trying to see things, that cannot yet be seen. It's a difficult vision, because it's blurry, and unclear. I wish I could see what is in store for me. What am I suppose to do in this world? What should I major in? Where should I move? Who should I trust? Will I graduate college? Will I ever get married, or fall in love? Will there ever be clear days where I don't over think my life, and the struggles I am facing?
I have always had the tenacity to move forward no matter what. I just wish sometimes, things would be more clear. But I don't get that. I get a mind that is always running, thinking, over analyzing, depicting every scenario.
I am always trying to think of new ways that could potentially make a difference in the world, though sometimes, I need to take time to look at myself, and how I can make a difference in my own life.
Two of my really good friends, one is actually a family member, are leaving away for college. They will be three and half hours away, and tonight they went shopping for their dorm things. I went along with them, and I realized that I don't know what I am going to do without them, or who I will be with out them. I guess that is all part of trying to find yourself.
Trying to find yourself is pretty difficult, and can be over bearing some days. I just want to be me, and I don't even know who that is. I don't think we ever find ourselves completely. Though we do come pretty close.
I know that I come off shy, and closed off, or in other people's eyes, rude, but I am not. That's my guard, and I don't know how to change it. I have let them down, but not for everyone.
Sharing my story to the world, to you, that a big chunk of my wall that is torn down, and that scares me everyday.
You know to be honest, I am a strange, weird, person, but I am also loving, caring, and strong willed. I am open about a lot of things once you get to know me, and that could shock you. I like to talk about everything. Everything is interesting. Everything has a story, or something behind it. Just like life.
I guess I just want to try and find me, and try and be that person to the best of my ability.
I hope everyone is doing well in the world. I hope everyone is enjoying their summer, and vacation. I know I am!
I love you all so much, thank you for being amazing supporters!