Friday, April 26, 2013

February 4, 2007

Tomorrow is April 27, 2013. That day is my grandpa Michael's 58 birthday. He passed away February 4, 2007. It was Super Bowl weekend, and as he left a near by bar, he wrecked his motorcycle, and died.

The shock, grief, and powerful sadness that we felt as family was unbearable. I remember staying at my grandma's the night of the accident. My aunt and my cousins that drove from Burney made it down very quickly. I was waken by my cousin Lillian. I told her that it felt like a dream. That none of this was real and that when I  wake up I'll be at grandma's house with my grandpa ready to make my bowl of Lucky Charms cereal, like he always did when I would stay the night. He was almost faithful about it. Then he would ask me what I wanted to do that day, and if there was anything I really wanted. I felt nothing would change. I didn't understand the severity of death. How permanent it was! I didn't cry for four whole days. On the fifth day, was the funeral. I only been to one other funeral prior to my grandpa's. I broke completely down, and I had no control over my devastation. It was uncontrollable, and it hurt. 

My family was affected tremendously, and things changed drastically. I couldn't control anything at this point. I was only twelve. My knowledge to others viewed very low. I was just a kid. But I was a kid with a broken heart.

I remember my grandpa  had hurt his shoulder, I think it was broken, and we were swimming. He was so tall he could touch in the deep in. And so all the kids wanted grandpa to throw them off his shoulders. All the kids went, and finally it was my turn, and i jump off his shoulders, and into the deep in. As I came up for air, my grandpa was hopping out of the pool. His shoulder was hurt again, and really bad. He could no longer throw us off his shoulders. The point is that he was such a wonderful grandfather, with a broken shoulder, and still he would put us before him, and gave us what we needed and what we wanted.

He was the most amazing man anyone could have ever met. He was loud, funny, a wonderful dancer (haha), and he had such a beautiful and angelic soul. He was a family man. Everything he did in his life was for his family. In one way or another.

Everyone in our family handled the grief differently. That was the first  real change that happened in our lives. It was devastating, and unbearable. But we grew from my grandpa's death. As a family most importantly. We make sure we talk to each other everyday, and tell each other we love you, no matter what the situation is. Never go to bed mad or angry at one another.

So tomorrow, as I get ready for my very first prom, I know that my grandpa will be with me through spirit and my love for him. And I will be sharing my beautiful night with him, celebrating his birthday!

I love you grandpa and I miss you everyday, all the time. I wish you were here to see me graduate high school, and get all these scholarships. I have accomplished so much since my incident, and  you were a huge impact on that. Everyday I would tell myself that this is for grandpa, and he would be proud! So I hope you were with me today receiving my scholarship, and I hope you are with me tomorrow, and everyday after that. Guiding me, and leading me down a path that will be correct for not only my future, but for our family's as well. I love you so much!

Love always,
Tayler Marie

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