For the first year, after confronted my situation, I had really bad night terrors. It started to actually scare me to fall asleep. I was afraid what I was going to dream next!
They eventually went away. I distracted myself with other obstacles, and projects. That really helped me, it made the nightmares go away.
Last night, (4-13/14-2013) I had a nightmare, for the first time in a while! It was so real, so vivid, and it scared me.
It felt like everything was happening all over again. When I have these dreams its hard for me to move on in my day. I put on the fake smile, pretend that the dream never happened, but last nights dream was to much... Today I replay that dream.. It's not a great idea that I do this, but I can't help it.
This is completely normal for a victim of abuse, but not many people express their nightmares to anyone, and that is what eats at their emotions, and their mind.
Today I woke up, scared, but happy that it was only a dream! I realized that I was in my house, and I was with my family that cared so much about me.
Though, I couldn't face going to church. The nightmare took so much energy from me, I was so tired, and exhausted I just couldn't go. I stayed in bed for a while, but couldn't go back to sleep. I was too afraid that I would be seeing the same dream.
So I made the decision to talk about my nightmare...
It was the same dream that I had a million other times.
I was in the shower. In our laundry room. It was mid-day, and I stayed home from school. I wasn't feeling well. I decided that a nice hot shower would help with my upset stomach. I'd only been in the shower for about 10 minutes,when he entered. I thought maybe he was changing the laundry, or throwing something in the trash. Little did I know he was in there for me. I didn't know how to react. He did what he did, and left the room. I was left in shock, and horror. I could not stop the crying. It was uncontrollable. I felt my pain, and my suffering through my dream, and it woke me up in cold sweat and tears. I gathered my thoughts, and my reality.
I think this dream happened because I have been digging in my past for the last week, to write this blog and to give everyone my story. I know this won't be the last nightmare I have, but I hope it's the last one for a while.
Everyday people are being sexually abused, and or overcoming their assault. Nightmares are part of the healing process. They will come and go, but we get over it and we prosper into beautiful flowers!